doubts in practise

Ajahn Chah

Q: What can I do about doubts? Some days I'm plagued with doubts about the
practice or my own progress, or the teacher.

Answer: Doubting is natural. Everyone starts out with
doubts. You can learn a great deal from them. What is important is that you
don't identify with your doubts: that is, don't get caught up in them.
This will spin your mind in endless circles. Instead, watch the whole process
of doubting, of wondering. See who it is that doubts. See how doubts
come and go. Then you will no longer be victimized by your doubts. You will
step outside of them and your mind will be quiet. You can see how all
things come and go. Just let go of what you are attached to. Let go of your
doubts and simply watch.
This is how to end doubting.

Q: If putting everything together in our bowls is
important, why don't you as a teacher do it yourself? Don't you feel it is important for the teacher to set an example?

Answer: Yes, it is true, a teacher should set an example for his disciples.
I don't mind that you criticize me. Ask whatever you
wish. But it is important that you do not cling to the teacher. If I
were absolutely perfect in outward form, it would be terrible. You would all
be too attached to me. Even the Buddha would sometimes tell his disciples to
do one thing and then do another himself. Your doubts in your teacher can
help you. You should watch your own reactions. Do you think it is possible
that I keep some food out of my bowl in dishes to feed the laymen who work
around the temple?
Wisdom is for yourself to watch and develop. Take from
the teacher what is good. Be aware of your own practice. If I am resting
while you must all sit up, does this make you angry? If I call the color blue red or say that male
is female, don't follow me blindly. One of my teachers ate very fast. He made noises as he ate. Yet he told us to eat slowly and mindfully. I used to watch him and get very upset. I suffered, but he didn't! I watched the outside.

Later I learned. Some people drive very fast but carefully.
Others drive slowly and have many accidents. Don't cling to
rules, to outer form.
If you watch others at most ten percent of the time and watch yourself
ninety percent, this is the proper practice. At first I used to watch my
teacher Ajahn Tong Raht and had many doubts. People even thought he was mad.
He would do strange things or get very fierce with his disciples. Outside he
was angry, but inside there was nothing. Nobody there.
He was remarkable. He stayed clear and mindful until the moment he died.

Looking outside the self is comparing, discriminating.
You will not find happiness that way. Nor will you find peace if you spend your time looking for the perfect man or the perfect teacher. The Buddha taught us to look at the
Dhamma, the truth, not to look at other people.

Q: Could you explain a little more about karma?

Answer: Karma is action. Karma is clinging. Body,
speech, and mind all make
karma when we cling. We make habits. These can make us
suffer in the future.
This is the fruit of our clinging, of our past
defilement. All attachment
leads to making karma. Suppose you were a thief before
you became a monk.
You stole, made others unhappy, made your parents
unhappy. Now you are a
monk, but when you remember how you made others
unhappy, you feel bad and
suffer yourself even today. Remember, not only body,
but speech and mental
action can make conditions for future results. If you
did some act of
kindness in the past and remember it today, you will
be happy. This happy
state of mind is the result of past karma. All things
are conditioned by
cause--both long term and, when examined, moment to
moment. But you need not
bother to think about past, or present, or future.
Merely watch the body and
mind. You must figure karma out for yourself. Watch
your mind. Practise and
you will see clearly. Make sure, however, that you
leave the karma of others
to them. Don't cling to and don't watch others. If I
take a poison, I
suffer. No need for you to share it with me! Take what
is good that your
teacher offers. Then you can become peaceful, your
mind will become like
that of your teacher. If you will examine it, you will
see. Even if now you
don't understand, when you practise, it will become
clear. You will know by
yourself. This is called practising the Dhamma. When
we were young, our
parents used to discipline us and get angry. Really
they wanted to help us.
You must see it over the long term. Parents and
teachers criticize us and we
get upset. Later on we see why. After long practise
you will know. Those who
are too clever leave after a short time. They never
learn. You must get rid
of your cleverness. If you think yourself better than
others, you will only
suffer. What a pity. No need to get upset. Just watch.

Q: A lot of times it seems that many monks here are
not practising. They
look sloppy or unmindful. This disturbs me.

Answer: It is not proper to watch other people. This
will not help your
practice. If you are annoyed, watch the annoyance in
your own mind. If
others' discipline is bad or they are not good monks,
this is not for you to
judge. You will not discover wisdom watching others.
Monks' discipline is a
tool to use for your own meditation. It is not a
weapon to use to criticize
or find fault. No one can do your practice for you,
nor can you do practice
for anyone else. Just be mindful of your own doings.
This is the way to
practice.

Q: What about other methods of practice? These days
there seem to be so many
teachers and so many different systems of meditation
that it is confusing.

Answer: It is like going into town. One can approach
from the north,from the
southeast, from many roads. Often these systems just
differ outwardly.
Whether you walk one way or another, fast or slow, if
you are mindful, it is
all the same. There is one essential point that all
good practice must
eventually come to--not clinging. In the end, all
meditation systems must be
let go of. Neither can one cling to the teacher. If a
system leads to
relinquishment, to not clinging, then it is correct
practice. You may wish
to travel, to visit other teachers and try other
systems.Some of you have
already done so. This is a natural desire. You will
find out that a thousand
questions asked and knowledge of many systems will not
bring you to the
truth. Eventually you will get bored. You will see
that only by stopping and
examining your own mind can you find our what the
Buddha talked about. No
need to go searching outside yourself. Eventually you
must return to face
your own true nature. Here is where you can understand
the Dhamma.

Q: Is it necessary to sit for very long stretches?

Answer: No, sitting for hours on end is not necessary.
Some people think
that the longer you can sit, the wiser you must be. I
have seen chickens sit
on their nests for days on end! Wisdom comes from
being mindful in all
postures. Your practice should begin as you awaken in
the morning. It should
continue until you fall asleep. Don't be concerned
about how long you can
sit. What is important is only that you keep watchful
whether you are
working or sitting or going to the bathroom. Each
person has his own natural
pace. Some of you will die at age fifty, some at age
sixty-five, and some at
age ninety. So, too, your practice will not be all
identical. Don't think or
worry about this. Try to be mindful and let things
take their natural
course. Then your mind will become quieter and quieter
in any surroundings.
It will become still like a clear forest pool. Then
all kinds of wonderful
and rare animals will come to drink at the pool. You
will see clearly the
nature of all things (sankharas) in the world. You
will see many wonderful
and strange things come and go. But you will be still.
Problems will arise
and you will see through them immediately. This is the
happiness of the
Buddha.

Q: I still have very many thoughts. My mind wanders a
lot even though I am
trying to be mindful.

Answer: Don't worry about this. Try to keep your mind
in the present.
Whatever there is that arises in the mind, just watch
it. Let go of it.
Don't even wish to be rid of thoughts. Then the mind
will reach its natural
state. No discriminating between good and bad, hot and
cold, fast and slow.
No me and no you, no self at all. Just what there is.
When you walk on
alms-round, no need to do anything special. Simply
walk and see what there
is. No need to cling to isolation or seclusion.
Wherever you are, know
yourself by being natural and watching. If doubts
arise, watch them come and
go. It's very simple. Hold on to nothing. It is as
though you are walking
down a road. Periodically you will run into obstacles.
When you meet
defilements, just see them and just overcome them by
letting go of them.
don't think about the obstacles you have passed
already. Don't worry about
those you have not yet seen. Stick to the present.
Don't be concerned about
the length of the road or about the destination.
Everything is changing.
Whatever you pass, do not cling to it. Eventually the
mind will reach its
natural balance where practice is automatic. All
things will come and go of
themselves.

Q: Is it necessary to be able to enter absorption in
our practice?

Answer: No, absorption is not necessary. You must
establish a modicum of
tranquillity and one-pointedness of mind. Then you use
this to examine
yourself. Nothing special is needed. If absorption
comes in your practice,
this is OK too. Just don't hold on to it. Some people
get hung up with
absorption. It can be great fun to play with. You must
know proper limits.
If you are wise, then you will know the uses and
limitations of absorption,
just as you know the limitations of children verses
grown men.

Q: Have you ever looked at the Altar Sutra of the 6th
Patriarch, Hui Neng?

Answer: Hui Neng's wisdom is very keen. It is very
profound teaching,not
easy for beginners to understand. But if you practise
with our discipline
and with patience, if you practise not-clinging, you
will eventually
understand. Once I had a disciple who stayed in a
grass-roofed hut. It
rained often that rainy season and one day a strong
wind blew off half the
roof. He did not bother to fix it, just let it rain
in. Several days passed
and I asked him about his hut. He said he was
practising not-clinging. This
is not-clinging without wisdom. It is about the same
as the equanimity of a
water buffalo. If you live a good life and live
simply, if you are patient
and unselfish, you will understand the wisdom of Hui
Neng.